I couldn檛 help but to get into a fight
She told me she didn檛 want me
Told me she didn檛 need me
So I slapped her in the face
To let her have a taste
Of what it was I tasted when I saw her with that man
Kissing him, holding his hand
I had drunken way to much to know what I was doing
All the while my thoughts were skewing
Down every escape hatch to get away from this raging beast
Who had reached his last, his final straw at the least
She kept doing her dirt and I saw her deceit
So I beat on her since she decided to cheat
Not that I haven檛 cheated on her before
But when I see her do it, it burns me more
It was I who started this chain of catastrophe
And I who must end it, for it檚 in my anatomy
To be superior and make all the best choices
Ignoring the inferiors voices
Including hers, which was the worst of all
But her love made me feel ten feet tall
That檚 why I never left her
For I檓 nothing without her
And she might not know it yet
But she檚 nothing without me I bet
When I stare into her deep, regal, burgundy eyes
My stomach churns in disgust and despise
When my fimgers grace her smooth creamy skin
My heart beats fast and my soul clutches on to it, as if it were a sin
Her voice is full of fire, sparking flames in the hearts of many men
She enkindled their lustful desires, which by my hand would be brought to an end
Her untamed chocolate curls hung below her neck
Her beauty is raw, her body impeccable, she is nothing short of admirers you can expect
Everywhere eyes turned and met her beauty with awe and wonder
And when she leaves me late at night, she leaves my mind to ponder
For I am quite possesive
Over her love I am quite obsessive
I檓 not afraid to let jealousy boil in my veins
As I ward over this stallion to keep her with my last name
Surely you must think me of some unfair scoundrel
But I am quaint, and you must know that I檓 a bit bedazzled
Surely you can檛 say you檝e never had the slightest doubt
That whenever your significant other had to step out
You felt the tiniest urge pulling in the back of your mind
Telling you not to turn a blind eye
Don檛 get me wrong I love this woman dearly
And I檇 like for you to see this situation more clearly
For the sounds of silence settle in the folds of solitude
And against your will, you listen as it beckons you
To come hear how they giggle
How their passions are lightly tickled
How they whisper sweet and soft nothings in one another檚 ear
Fighting over which one holds the other most dear
Now, you can檛 tell me you檝e never had that time
When your tranquility could change to paranoia at the drop of a dimeThe redemption of james tyler?It was kind of a cliff-hanger at the end there (I'm assuming you're looking for a critique), but aside from that, it was really good. At times, it would get kind of a deep feeling to it, but it was here-and-there, if you know what I mean. About half of it had that, but it wasn't super consistent.
But I like how you find words to rhyme that I would never ever think of. Giggle and tickle, neck and expect, and so on. On paper, they don't rhyme at all, but if you say them, they actually do work. I think that's pretty creative and kind of unique.
I also like how you don't have a rhythmic pattern in your poems. To some people that would be annoying, but not for me. You do the rhyming, but you don't really care about the syllable counts, which allow you a lot of flexibility for more emotion and saying what you really want to say (here I am, telling you what you already know..). It makes for a very unique blend of poetry and story. I know peoms are supposed to tell stories, but the way you put yours together, it's more like a regular story you'd read in a book, with poetry thrown into it. Really cool and different from anything I've read before.
And your comparisons and similes and metaphors; the words you use to make those up are brilliant. Great job.
Oh, and if you're asking for title ideas, I've got nothing, sorry..
